


A flawless plan

by Ostodvandi



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Top surgery, Trans Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Trans Male Character, some Rodrigue sprinkled in, the blue lions all share a braincell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28175901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ostodvandi/pseuds/Ostodvandi
Summary: Dimitri and Felix have always been close, but, after Dimitri's top surgery, they've gotten even closer. In fact, they act exactly like a couple. The situation becomes insufferable for the whole friend group, so they take matters into their own hands.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 8
Kudos: 17
Collections: 2020 Dimilix Exchange





	A flawless plan

**Author's Note:**

> My dimilix exchange present for Lyrica! I don't think I'm that great at written comedy (tbf, it's hella difficult) but this one turned out pretty funny! In which the whole Blue Lions only have one braincell, and Dedue holds it most of the time. Hope you all enjoy!

It all started with a message in Felix’s curiouscat inbox. A question that was already strange for most people to ask:

Are you in love with someone?

Who would send this to his obscure account dedicated to rating swords, Felix didn’t know. Next he showed it to Dimitri, who snickered and said, ‘Maybe it’s a prank.’

‘It’s obviously a prank,’ Felix replied with a groan, opening a group chat. 

And then Ashe, in a surge of that romanticism he’d never get rid of, suggested that perhaps Felix had a secret admirer. 

Felix crossed out that option, of course. But little did he know, beyond the reaches of his own phone, his friends were gossiping like old ladies in another groupchat.

**Ingrid:** God Ashe did you really think that would work?

**Ashe:** i mean, at least i tried!!!

**Ashe:** i wasn't expecting it to work, but it's still disappointing.......

**Ingrid:** I mean, I don't think anyone thought felix was actually going to answer "oh yes sure i'm in love with dimitri" to some random curiouscat, was he?

**Sylvain:** he wouldn't even tell us that.

Indeed, behind Felix and Dimitri's back, a plot was developing. And Ingrid was right: Ashe's little idea of "asking directly" would never have worked. But it was really hard to think of a way of pushing these two together, to the point where they'd finally act on their feelings for each other.

Because it was too obvious that they had feelings for each other. Always staring at the other with those lingering gazes and heart eyes, brushing hands as they walked together, the general feeling of third-wheeling amongst the rest of the group. Said feeling was even more insulting when they weren't an official couple. Even outside of the friend group, there were complaints - Claude, for one, had asked Annette if Felix and Dimitri were dating. But they would never say it outright, especially Felix. So, be it out of annoyance, concern, and whatever it was that fueled Sylvain to start the scheme, they all had joined in this plot. 

**Annette:** I think I have an idea!!!!

**Mercedes:** what is it, Annie?

**Annette:** What about a film date?

**Ashe:** :o

**Annette:** We buy tickets for a film, but, accidentally, Felix and Dimitri's seats are away from ours. So it's like they are on their own date!!

There were a few seconds of silence in the group chat, as everyone considered the plan. Surprisingly, Dedue was the first to talk.

**Dedue:** It is not a bad idea, however, I don't think it would make much of a difference?

**Ashe:** i think it would!! it's a way to have them have a date without being too obvious about it!

Dedue wrote for a while, but no message was sent in the end.

* * *

The plan was set in motion on a Friday evening, in Fhirdiad's biggest cinema. Felix had come begrudgingly, knowing they'd watch the brand new remake of the romance between Lady Seiros and the First Adrestian Emperor, but Annette had promised him it'd have enough action to keep him entertained.

Sylvain was sent on the crucial mission of buying tickets for all of them, and specifically, two tickets far away from the group. If there were any delays on his part, he could justify it by saying he tried to flirt with the person behind the counter, or someone in the line.

'I'm especially intrigued by the props,' Dimitri said, a gentle smile on his face as he eyed the movie poster on the wall. 'Don't they look amazing, Felix?'

'They're okay,' Felix grumbled, casually resting his weight against Dimitri, arms crossed over his chest. 'Not as good as some I've seen somewhere else.'

'I suppose they were not the focus of the production.' Dimitri laughed shortly, staring down at Felix with sparkles in his eye.

That was it, one of those moments when everyone else would feel out of place, like Dimitri and Felix were on their own date and the rest just so _happened_ to be there. Ingrid sighed audibly and Annette bit her lower lip. Well, they were here to solve this, after all. They could put up with their attitude for just one more day.

Sylvain came back with the tickets just a few seconds later, and took a look at them before handing them out.

'And these for you,' he said, giving two tickets to the not-yet-pair with a cheerful smile on his face. Felix's eyebrow rose, but Dimitri's face showed no signs of suspicion.

'Thank you, Sylvain.'

Felix kept staring at him for a while, but said nothing. Everyone in the friend group felt a shiver as Felix's eyes scanned them.

'Anyway, let's just get to the damn film,' Felix groaned.

Of course, Ingrid of all people was the first to raise the question of food. 'Oh, we have to buy snacks first!'

'Buy?!' Ashe said. 'You don't sneak them in?'

'Isn't that illegal?' Ingrid muttered.

'Of course not,' Mercedes said, and Annette's mouth hung open. 'Annie, didn't you know? Most employees don't even care, as long as you don't make cleaning harder later.'

Dimitri snorted, taking out his ticket to take a good look at it. Ashe stared from the corner of his eye, fearing he'd find out something. Only when Dimitri shoved the ticket back into his pocket did Ashe sigh in relief.

They went inside the cinema just as the film began. Everything up to this point had been planned: If they entered before, when the cinema was fairly empty, Dimitri and Felix might have been able to steal some seats next to their friend group's. But now that it was almost full, there was no choice but for them to go to their assigned seats.

'What in the fucking hell?' Felix groaned, his voice audible over the advertisements that came before the film itself. 'That man gave us wrong seats.'

'Sorry, sorry,' Sylvain apologized, just as Dedue was pinching the bridge of his own nose. 'It's just a film anyway, right? We can talk about it later together, all of us.'

'That sounds right by me,' Dimitri said, gently patting Felix's back. 'Let's just go to our seats, Felix.'

'Mph. Can't he do his fucking job? Or something,' Felix kept complaining up until the moment his butt was on the seat, probably. But Dimitri had gotten very good at putting up with Felix's constant swearing and whining, and even seemed to find some joy in it.

Sylvain in particular paid more attention to the couple one row away than the film he had paid money to watch. He found that trying to discern anything substantial from a couple of shadows that spoke in whispers was rather complicated. He silently hoped that they'd notice some change by the time the film ended.

Felix and Dimitri walked out first, and, as hard as any of them looked, they weren't holding hands at any point. Annette muttered a "darn it" under her breath, Mercedes giggled, and Ingrid was just upset over having eaten most of the snacks before the film even began.

'It's fine,' Ashe said with confidence. 'We'll see if anything happens later.'

'Like what?'

'I don't know... But maybe Dimitri will tell someone?' Because Felix for sure wouldn't. He'd rather die than talk about feelings directly. 'Most likely Dedue.'

The man in question sighed. 'If he does, and he tells me to not share it, I won't.'

Everyone agreed that was understandable, but everyone also agreed that, once they started dating, it would inevitably show.

* * *

The next plan had been a joint idea by Ingrid and Sylvain, which was not necessarily a good sign. A dinner in a rather cheap restaurant that Ingrid was especially fond of. A reservation for each and every one of them - that Sylvain had graciously offered to pay for.

And then, all of them would find excuses to not go.

Be it a sudden family member to look after, a stomachache, a commitment they had forgotten: All found some sort of excuse to run away from the dinner at nearly the last minute, so only Dimitri and Felix were there, sitting like two fools on an eight-person table.

Sylvain then entered the restaurant in disguise: a hat, sunglasses, a trenchcoat. He did look suspicious, but it was better than entering as his very recognizable self.

He asked for a two person table and whatever looked best on the menu. From his position, he could see Felix's back and Dimitri's face, which wasn't ideal - Felix was an _actions_ man, and Dimitri was a _words_ man - but this would have to do.

Sylvain stayed vigilant, even after his own meal arrived.

Yet there was nothing strange. The stage was certainly romantic, with flowers on the table and everything, but they didn't make any moves on each other. Dimitri's gaze was as lovestruck with Felix as it had been lately, but he didn't even try to hold Felix's hand. As for their conversation, Sylvain could barely hear anything. He hadn’t imagined the restaurant would play such loud, off-tune music.

Felix finished his second meal - some sort of very greasy steak - and offered his dessert to Dimitri. The desserts on the menu were mostly sweets, and Felix would've given up sweets to anyone. There wasn't anything particularly romantic about that, not when Felix did it.

Sylvain bit his lower lip. Was this plan also going to fail?

Dimitri lifted his gaze, and his single eye stared in Sylvain's direction. He looked away, fearing he had been discovered. A bead of cold sweat trailed down the back of his neck. If Felix found out about the whole ordeal, he was as good as dead.

And then, nothing happened. When he looked back, Dimitri was talking to Felix again, with that immense smile on his face. Sylvain breathed a sigh of relief and kept eating his own meal, peeking at the lovebirds from time to time.

Half an hour later, a new message arrived in their groupchat. Anyone jumping to look at their phones would be sorely disappointed with Sylvain's report.

**Sylvain:** sorry guys. nothing really happened.

**Ashe:** not even handholding???

**Sylvain:** nope. nothing. nada. just two bros.

**Ingrid:** Goddammit.

**Ashe:** sitting in a restaurant,

**Sylvain:** one table apart because they're not gay. :(

* * *

The next plan was the most convoluted yet.

Technically, it had been Mercedes' idea to have a picnic, something Dedue seconded. It had been Annette, Sylvain, and Ashe who had found a way to turn it into yet another scheme to push Dimitri and Felix together.

Dimitri had suspected something from the start. The cinema incident had already been weird enough, and he would've noticed something fishy going on during the whole restaurant debacle even if Dedue hadn't told him. So when he and Felix arrived at the spot where they had been told the picnic was taking place and found it empty, Dimitri simply sighed.

Felix, however, had a very different reaction. 'For fuck's sake,' he groaned, just a little bit away from throwing his snack-filled bag on the floor. 'What the fuck is going on? Why is it that lately...'

'It's always you and me?' Dimitri said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Felix might have been oblivious, but he wasn't by any means _stupid_. Dimitri saw his eyes squint, and his arms crossing over his chest. 'You know something.'

'I do,' Dimitri admitted. No sense in hiding it at this point. 'It's always you and me because... Well. Dedue told me the others are trying to get us to be together.'

Felix blinked twice. 'But we're already...?'

'But they don't know yet,' Dimitri reminded him gently, 'because you didn't want to make it public yet.'

Only Dedue and Rodrigue knew. Something about being teased to hell and back, Felix had said, ignoring the fact that he'd just be teased later. But, as with everything else, Dimitri had set out to respect all of Felix's decisions.

For now, he got to see his boyfriend's face light up at the cheeks and ears, and Dimitri's chest felt significantly warmer.

'I… did say that,' Felix mumbled, looking at the grass. 'I just didn't think they would be that fucking... batshit.'

Dimitri didn't think so at first, even when Dedue had told him. And maybe Felix was thinking the same thing as him: They hadn't been that good at hiding their feelings for each other if things had come to this.

Dimitri shook his head. 'In any case, Dedue has told me where they actually are right now. If you want to go home, we can go home, though.'

He wouldn't say no to curling up under a blanket and watching some shitty TV show with Felix, but he also felt the need to discuss the situation with their friends. While he wasn't furious the way Felix was, Dimitri was a little exhausted from these awkward situations.

'So the cinema...' Felix started. 'And the restaurant.'

'Remember how I told you there was a weird guy in a trenchcoat in the restaurant?' Felix nodded. 'That was Sylvain. Probably.'

Felix's jaw clenched. 'I'm going to kill him.'

'Please, don't.'

Felix stayed silent, thinking something through. Dimitri would bet he was planning all the ways in which he could kill Sylvain and not be prosecuted for it.

After half a minute, Felix huffed. 'Fine, we’ll tell them,’ he said. ‘But I need something else first.’

* * *

Dimitri and Felix arrived at the spot where the rest had settled for the picnic. No one had taken a single bite of food, by the looks of it, nervous for a reason Felix could now guess. 

‘It’s taken you two a while to find the spot!’ Ingrid said shamelessly.

‘I guess.’ Felix sat down and was immediately handed a tupperware filled with Mercedes’ homemade cookies. He immediately passed it to Dimitri, who replied, ‘Thank you.’

‘Weird how none of you have eaten almost anything in our absence,’ Felix pointed out as Dimitri opened the tupperware and a bag of chips. ‘I’d have expected Ingrid to have eaten everything in sight.’

‘Hey!’ Ingrid groaned, crossing her arms and pretending to not look at the bag of chips. ‘I can contain myself just fine.’

‘Sure,’ Felix scoffed. ‘Anyway. That dinner experience the other day was weird.’

‘Oh?’ Sylvain, like the fake little bastard he was, perked up immediately. ‘How so?’

‘There was a strange man eating there,’ Dimitri said, passing the bags of snacks around, but keeping Felix’s favorites on his lap. ‘He was wearing a trenchcoat, a hat, and sunglasses inside…’

‘It’s like they were trying to be noticed,’ Felix said, ‘very hard.’

Sylvain laughed. Felix’s eyes narrowed. Annette giggled, but it was more like a nervous laugh. Felix didn’t say anything, letting the silence add to the pressure.

‘I wish you could’ve come, Ingrid,’ Dimitri said, ruining Felix’s strategy. ‘They had so many of your favorite meals.’

‘Yeah,’ Ingrid said, and her voice sounded dry. Dedue sipped his tea in silence, looking more at peace than the other five together. 

‘I guess things have been going south during our meetings recently,’ Ashe had the balls to say. ‘But it’s alright! We-’

‘And it’s always me and Dimitri who are fucked over,’ Felix pointed out.

The atmosphere at the picnic turned tense. Annette fidgeted with her fingers. Ashe looked at the grass, cheeks ablaze with embarrassment. Mercedes and Ingrid munched on cookies. Sylvain was checking his phone. Dedue was the only one that looked unfazed by this turn of events.

Dimitri giggled, finding all of this mess a little funny, and took a chip out of the bag, offering it to Felix. ‘Here.’

To everyone’s surprise, Felix opened his mouth, allowing Dimitri to leave the chip there for a bite. This should do it, Felix thought. This should break at least one of them into confessing for their crimes.

Sure enough, Annette looked up from her hands, and said, ‘I’m sorry! But you two should date! Please! This is insufferable!’

‘Exactly!’ Ashe said. His flush hadn’t disappeared yet. ‘It feels like you two do it on purpose!’

‘It’s driving everyone bonkers!’ Annette insisted. 

‘We were even trying to make you two realize it, but- Goddess, you’re so dense!’ Ingrid chastised.

And here it was: The moment Felix had been waiting for. Dimitri giggled again and said, ‘But, guys… Felix and I are already dating.’ As if that wasn’t enough, he added. ‘For about twenty days.’

Once again, only Dedue kept his cool. Even Mercedes’ mouth hung open in surprise, and all five of them sat speechless on the picnic blanket. Sylvain was the first one to recover the capacity to string words together. ‘And you didn’t tell me?!’

‘Shut the fuck up,’ Felix immediately said. ‘Walking into the restaurant looking like a caricature? Are you stupid? I’m going to cut you in pieces and feed you to the ducks.’

‘Only two people knew until now,’ Dimitri clarified, holding Felix’s hand to keep him from committing a crime. ‘Us both aside.’

‘Huh,’ Ashe muttered, probably wondering who those people could be. ‘But how did it happen?’

Dimitri smiled, as bright as the midsummer sun. ‘Oh, that’s a cute story, actually…’

* * *

Back then, Dimitri had just gone through top surgery and had been released from the hospital. Neither Rodrigue nor Felix would allow him to just stay alone when he needed assistance for a week, so he would just stay at the Fraldarius household until he healed, under Rodrigue’s professional care. But things weren’t going exactly the way Felix had expected.

‘Well, he doesn’t want me taking care of him,’ Rodrigue said, walking into the living room with a smile that made Felix shiver. His father was about to say something embarrassing, he knew it. ‘He only wants to be cared after by you.’

Indeed, Felix’s face turned bright red. What was Dimitri’s damn problem? Rodrigue was a professional nurse that had requested several days of vacation for the sake of looking after Dimitri. And yet he was asking for _Felix’s_ care.

‘...Fine,’ Felix said, getting up from the sofa. 

After his top surgery, Dimitri stayed in what used to be Glenn’s room. The place still made Felix feel uncomfortable, with all of the memories that lingered from a decade ago, but Glenn had had a good and comfortable bed, so Rodrigue just wouldn’t allow him to use the guest room, which didn’t even have a proper bed after _someone_ (Sylvain) broke the last one. 

Felix peeked in, taking a look at the mess sprawled on his deceased brother’s bed. Dimitri looked half asleep, high on the prescription painkillers, his single eye staring at the ceiling until he noticed Felix’s presence.

‘Mmmmm... Felix…?’

‘My father said you wanted something from me. So spit it out.’

‘Mmmh…’ Dimitri looked around the room, and Felix raised an eyebrow. Had he forgotten already? His eye focused on a water bottle next to the bed. ‘Water… Please…’

‘All of this fuss for a bottle of water,’ Felix grumbled. 

Giving someone that could barely move his arms water was more difficult than most people imagined, and Felix was a horrible caretaker. These two circumstances together could’ve only ended up as it did: with Felix almost (accidentally) choking Dimitri to death with water.

‘Fuck, fuck,’ Felix muttered as Dimitri kept coughing out water. ‘I’m--sorry.’ 

Dimitri blinked, and Felix frowned. Was it that rare to hear him apologize? Ignoring his friend’s bewildered expression, Felix kept drying his face, hair, and clothes. ‘I have to change the pillow, I think… Can you raise your head a little?’

Dimitri hummed, doing as instructed. Felix cursed a little under his breath in the process, but soon there was a dry pillow under Dimitri’s head and a small smile on his face.

If Felix had been treated like this, he would’ve spat on the face of his nurse. How Dimitri was smiling so happily right now was beyond his understanding. ‘Something else?’

‘Just… can you sit down… get close?’

Felix tried not to think about how that sounded like someone about to confess something while on their deathbed, and sat down next to Dimitri. ‘What is it?’

‘I…’ Dimitri started, pursing his lips. Strange, because he shouldn’t have been in pain. ‘I wanted to tell you something… Before the surgery, but didn’t… You know…’

He stared at Felix for a while, as if he was supposed to just guess what the hell he meant. ‘No, I don’t. I won’t know unless you tell me, Dimitri.’

At the sound of his name, Dimitri blushed. Felix didn’t know why, but he blushed too. 

‘I just… I think you’re… so good, Felix. Handsome and strong…’ He muttered, but his eye didn’t look away from Felix. ‘And I’m afraid I’ve… developed feelings.’

Fuck.

Dimitri wouldn’t joke with this. And even if he would, this sounded sincere. This was a sincere confession from a guy high on painkillers. A guy that Felix would play the worst nurse in the world for if he asked. So his answer wasn’t that difficult to guess even if he had been avoiding it for months.

‘You have the worst timing to bring up this kind of shit, Dimitri.’ Felix sighed, putting his hand on Dimitri’s, who blinked in surprise at the touch. ‘Couldn’t you even wait a week to recover?’

Dimitri smiled again and - dammit, Felix’s heart skipped a beat. Dimitri’s fingers curled around Felix’s hand. ‘I couldn’t… I apologize. I just really wanted to know...’

‘I do,’ Felix snapped, looking away from Dimitri’s face. If he kept smiling like that he might just kill Felix today. ‘Now you know. Shut up and rest. Honestly, worrying about stuff like that at a moment like this.’

His boobs had just been chopped off! None of this nonsense crossed Felix’s mind when he went through the same thing! What an idiot. An absolute, charming idiot of a man.

‘So, when I feel better… can we discuss it?’

‘Yeah, sure, whatever.’

Dimitri sighed in relief. ‘Alright. Thank you, Felix.’

‘Whatever,’ Felix repeated. There was no reason to thank someone for feeling the same way as them. It’s not like Felix could’ve controlled his feelings for Dimitri’s stupidly sweet smile. But it felt good, Felix couldn’t deny that unless he lied to himself. And maybe that upcoming discussion would end up in _something_.

Their friends wouldn’t find out anytime soon, though.


End file.
